Public Service Announcement From RobbDogg's Rips

This is one of two submissions to Radio News America intended as satire. Hey, there's a group of people who need to be parodied because they deserve it and you need a reason to smile.

This is patterned after those form emails John Kerry sends every other day to take action on an item MoveOn.org already told us to sign a petition for a day earlier. Enjoy!


Dear Liberals and Progressives,

I have been appointed by the Blogsphere & Message Board Naturalization Service (BMBNS) to speak out on a growing issue in the Internet community. We have to do everything possible to prevent a turd blossom-type eyesore from sprouting up all over the Internet.

The problem is the existence of makeshift encampments across blogs and web sites.

These encampments are similar to the ones you expect to find outside major cities throughout Southern California, but these have absolutely nothing to do with the homeless or illegal immigration. These Hooverville-like encampments sprouting up on blogs and web sites belong to cowards who want to impose their warped view of reality on us, but for the most part they do not have the courage to register on a message board and follow the rules.

Instead, they loiter around the “Comments to the editor” section or its equivalent like a bunch of underage kids at the neighborhood convenience store hoping to get someone walking by to score them their first twelve-pack of beer.

You’ve witnessed this behavior before, haven’t you? Think back to the last time you went to the local convenience store for a pack of smokes or the latest edition of FHM.

You parked your car in front of the store and noticed a few degenerates hanging out by the payphone around the corner, hiding so the clerks inside don’t notice them from behind the counter. With money they pooled together from odd jobs like beating up fellow students for their lunch money, they get the attention of someone walking by that they feel looks cool enough to contribute to their delinquency.

If successful, the adult takes the cash, goes inside to buy the beer, and then walks around the corner and hands the alcohol to the kids. The delinquents then run home to their safe house and take their first underage dose of liquid courage.

After a few sips and the resulting funny faces they make as they swallow the amber liquor, they wonder amongst themselves, “How do adults drink this shit?”

I wouldn't know. I don’t drink pisswater beer, and I refuse to contribute to their delinquency.

You should do the same. Make them stop the loitering!

For example, on a number of blogs and web sites, a few self-titled Truthseekers have camped out and turned the comments section into a makeshift message board. Because there are no rules and no moderators, these vigilantes are free to spew their venom without repercussions or exposing their identity. It’s places like this that have become a black eye on the face of the Internet community.

These Hoovervilles of the Internet age provide a breeding ground for violence, hatred, racism, and have no place on your web site. They should be shut down immediately.

On behalf of the BMBNS, I’m asking all of you to close down your comments sections and invite these self-loathing degenerates to register accounts on your message boards if they want their voices to be heard. Give them a forum to express their views in front of their peers.

After all, we are their peers if they are the liberal watchdogs or moderates they claim to be.

So do your part and clean up your section of the Internet community today. Evict the residents from your local Hoovervilles. Make them take down their tents, pack their boxes, and collect their trash. Afterwards, educate them on your rules and regulations and welcome them into your online community with open arms.

And then kick their ass to the curb if they disrupt your community, especially if they stand by the phone booth outside the convenience store and ask you to buy them a twelve-pack of beer.

Sincerely,
Robbie Michaels
BMBNS Spokesman