Latest Radio News America Commentary

Okay, I'm doing something completely different here for you guys. You're used to me making some very pointed rips with a straightforward style that gets to the point. This week, I'm going to take a stab at creative writing, no pun intended.

This is the first in a two-part commentary that takes a peek inside a fictional Blogsphere and Message Board Naturalization Service (BMBNS) agent's journal. If you're not familiar with this agency, it's a fictional one depicted in a Public Service Announcement I made to spoof one of John Kerry's action letters I receive in my inbox every other day. Please read that entry first before reading this.

Enjoy the story, because I promise there will be some significance to the plot as the week passes by.

A BMBNS Agent’s Journal – Part One
Original satirical commentary by Robbie Michaels
July 18, 2005

Journal entry - July 14, 2005, 8:30pm

I received a report of some troublemakers unwilling to disperse after being warned about vacating their makeshift home. My partner and I loaded our patrol gear inside our Ford Bronco and headed out towards the suspected vigilante encampment just outside the Radio News America message board.

As we arrived at the camp, darkness began to fall. The sunset illuminated the western sky in hues of orange and purple, and that made it difficult to make out some figures running away in the distance towards the woods. I stopped the vehicle, reached for the spotlight attached to my door, and swung it in their direction. I anticipated seeing a group of people running through the open field, but all I could see were the bushes moving as the suspected vigilantes made their escape through the trees.

I drove up to the edge of the encampment, reached for the ignition key with my fingers, and turned it off. As the motor stopped, I cracked the window and listened as the wind blew lightly through the dry grass. I couldn’t pick up any other sounds, and from what I could tell from scanning the scene through my windshield, the camp was deserted.

The camp itself looked like a typical shelter you’d find in the rolling hills. Several tents encircled what appeared to be several cardboard boxes attached to each other to form a makeshift home with separate rooms.

“I’m going to check out the camp for stragglers,” my partner said as she grabbed the steel door handle with her delicate fingers. I noticed a dim light coming from one of the tents a few yards away, and immediately reached out with my hand to grab hers.

I could feel her muscles tighten up and her pulse racing as if my touch sent a shiver through her body. I gazed into her blue eyes as she turned her head to face me, and she gave me a glance that showed neither objection nor subservience. She leaned closer to me and I could feel her breathe as she closed her eyes and parted her lips. However, as much as I wanted to express my true feelings for her, I couldn’t. We were on duty, and we had to check out this encampment first.

“Hold on a minute,” I whispered, as I nodded my head towards the tent in front of us. “Take a look over there.”

As she turned her head to look, I leaned back towards my side and swung the spotlight onto the tent. Both my partner and I noticed the entrance was left open, as if someone had left in a hurry. The peel-away door swayed back and forth in the light breeze, and we could see the glow of a bright light coming from inside.

“That looks like a computer, doesn’t it?” she asked.

“You’re right,” I replied, as both of us exited the vehicle simultaneously to investigate.

We shut the doors behind us and removed our weapons from their holsters, not knowing what to expect. The possibility of someone using a personal computer out here in the wilderness surprised me, because there was no discernible power source in the area. Even if it were a group of people out here on a camping trip, I’ve never known anyone to pack electronic gear with the exception of a GPS system. My mind could only think of two questions as we walked towards the tent.

Where is the generator powering it?
Who would bring a computer out here?

With guns drawn, we started towards the tent, cutting a path through the dry grass as it whistled in the wind. As we arrived at the entrance, my partner removed her flashlight from her belt and shined it inside the opening. I squatted down and pointed my gun inside, but the tent was empty except for a laptop computer, a sleeping bag, and what looked like survival gear.

I crawled inside on all fours and reached for the laptop computer lying on the floor, its screensaver illuminating the tent with images of scantily clad women. “Take a look at this,” I said as I removed it and held it up for her to examine. “No power supply. It’s running on a battery.”

“Wireless,” she muttered as she flicked the antenna protruding from the adapter card attached to the side of the computer with her fingertip. “Someone was trying to communicate to someone else through the Internet from here. But why?”

“I don’t know,” I replied. “Something about this doesn’t make sense.”

My instincts told me to look for more clues inside the tent, so I reached for my flashlight, turned the barrel counter-clockwise to turn it on, and crawled back inside for another look around. I flashed the light toward the other side of the tent, and I noticed something protruding from underneath a pillow on top of the ruffled sleeping bag.

I reached for what turned out to be the corner of a laminated plastic card about the size of a state driver’s license, but I noticed it was attached to a key ring with several other cards. I flipped through each of them, and most looked like valid identification cards. None of them resembled the matricula consular cards I expected to find. I looked again at them, and one in particular caught my attention. It not only had a name, but what appeared to be a valid address.

“Hey, I think I found something.”

“What?” my partner said as I crawled out of the tent. After I dusted a couple layers of dirt off my uniform, I grabbed the computer and handed her the key ring I just found. She flipped through the cards, but wasn’t impressed with my discovery.

“There’s a bunch of identification cards here, but they all look the same,” she protested. “Why would someone need all of these cards if they’re not an illegal alien?”

“Keep looking,” I replied as I turned off the computer and folded it underneath my arm. “There’s one card that should get your attention.” My partner kept looking at each card until her eyes met one that looked quite different than the others. The change in her facial expression told me something was very wrong.

“You’ve got to be kidding me!” she said, raising her voice. “What is this guy doing here with a computer in the middle of nowhere?”

“I don’t know, but I bet he wasn’t alone,” I replied as she cocked her pistol and held it up in front of her face, the chrome of the barrel reflecting the light from my flashlight.

“I’m going to look for other clues,” she said as she walked swiftly towards the cardboard house in the center of camp. “I bet we’ll find something else they left behind.”

“You’re probably right,” I said as I followed behind her. “But as soon as we’re done we’ve got to report this back to central command.”

To be continued…